Holidays are culture. They allow us to celebrate the important aspects of our lives that we oft take for granted. In a way, they're what remind us throughout the year that we're human beings who live for each other.
Each and every holiday has a rich history and a very special message behind it, so I'm going to run down some of the reasons why we celebrate. Let's start with the beginning of the year...
New Year's...
Is an excuse for people to pretend like they're ready to set goals and change for the better, even though they're going to live just like they did last year.
Valentine's Day...
Is an excuse for insecure couples to post about how awesome their relationship is on Facebook.
St. Patrick's Day...
Is an excuse for vaguely Irish and non-Irish people to drink copious amounts of alcohol for absolutely no reason at all.
April Fool's Day...
Is an excuse for people to play terrible pranks on others, as if the holiday makes it completely okay.
Mother's Day...
Is an excuse for Hallmark to sell cards.
Father's Day...
Is an excuse for Hallmark to sell cards.
Halloween...
Is an excuse for young women to dress up like prostitutes and go clubbing. Because you know, it's Halloween. I'm not really a slut.
Thanksgiving Day...
Is an excuse for people who hate each other to get together and eat exorbitant amounts of food in the name of...thanks? I don't fucking know.
Christmas...
Is an excuse for commercialism. Consumerism. Showing how much you love people with the power of your credit card. Putting lights up on everything and leaving them up til March. Getting together with people you hate again. Getting drunk off eggnog cause it's a Christmas drink and that's okay. And...Jesus? Is that his name?
As people find this offensive, I find this largely true.
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